you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
being pregnant is like rehab
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
