I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
