You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
