Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
