wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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