she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
its liver damage thursday
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
