I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
