Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
