Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
