Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
