Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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