i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
