That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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