Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
