dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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