i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
