I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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