dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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