you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
