Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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