brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize