It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We got so high we made milksteak
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is my gift to your gina
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
