I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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