i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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