oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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