i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
