I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
