PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
