So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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