remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
