Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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