We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
