i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
