i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
