You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
