I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
