Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
