my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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