No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
