Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
zippers are such a cool invention
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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