My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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