There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
