I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
