Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
be right there i have to get my cape
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
