Fuck appropriateness.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
