Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
