Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
