If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
