The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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