apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize