is your mom at the bar?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
