I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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