Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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