took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is the high leading the old right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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