y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
