so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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