So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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