I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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