so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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