His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize