I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i think i just lost a toe
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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