I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
