you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
